Get ready for some self-actualizing, Bitches

So I was a busy girl this thanksgiving weekend. After the pie baking and turkey eating frenzy had subsided, I awoke Friday with barely enough time to get my house picked up before my friend Morgan descended with new man and new baby. We did some socializing and some eating at local establishments-- the usual out of town guests shenanigans. Saturday I was beat but I made them breakfast and got ready to go to a birthday pool party. In case you missed that, let me reiterate: a birthday pool party two days after Thanksgiving. A sweat pants, leftovers, and old movies party I could do, but not a belly hanging over the bikini while I flop off the diving board and into a public pool party. So my guy and I decided to skip out on the swimming since neither of us could 1. get motivated to get out of the house in time and 2. had any desire to squeeze our recently inflated asses into our suits.

We stopped by our friend's place after the swimming had ceased, to have cocoa and pizza and wine and to play a board game. It was a great time, perfectly relaxing. As we were leaving, though, I mentioned to the birthday girl that I was sorry we missed swimming but that I just couldn't deal with a bathing suit two days after Thanksgiving. Her response? "Really? I thought you more self-actualized than that." Self-actualized. I'm not entirely sure I know what that means, but I'm thinking it's a new word for empowered because we all know it's become impossible to say "empowered" without air quotes or a healthy dose of irony. So apparently knowing what I'm comfortable with and not doing things I don't feel like doing demonstrates a lack of self-actualization. How bullshit is it that she basically told me that in order to be "empowered" I needed to throw on a bathing suit and go swimming, even if I wasn't up for it, just to demonstrate that I am way too feminist to have body issues?

Sorry sweetheart, but I am so very fucking self-actualized that I feel comfortable telling you that I was not feeling comfortable enough to put on my bathing suit.

The question now is whether venting on this blog enough? Or should I tell her she pissed me off?

Sexed Out 'Tweens and Pre-Pube 20somethings?

While shopping for Halloween Party decorations, some friends of mine and I stopped into Party City to get our fix of fantastic plastic. While cruising for fake blood, rubber bats, and decomposing skulls, we turned the corner and found ourselves in the midst of costuming frenzy. I'm from the way back when costumes were a makeshift of stuff you had, stuff you found, and stuff you scrounged at the thrift store (well, when my mom stopped sewing them for me). I was pretty surprised to see so many kids lined up to get their generic plastic costumes. But what really shocked me were the costumes themselves--at least the costumes for little girls. They were basically a smaller version of the grown-up girl costumes, which were all extremely trampy. Seriously, the one that I have yet to forget and that still incites my rage is Sponge Bath Betty. Why would any woman want to dress up as the nurse who gives sponge baths for Halloween? But that's just it, I reckon--these costumes aren't for women, they're for men.

No, there wasn't a 'tween version of the sponge bath costume, but there might as well have been. There were all the classics--fairy princesses, devils, witches, cats--but with a naughty twist. The twist generally involved miniskirts, exposed navels, and fishnets. The girls modeling the costumes were even sporting a pre-pubescent version of the sultry look. Keep in mind these costumes are for girls 8-12 or so. What the hell is going on here?!

The Washington Post ran a story on just this issue the day before Halloween, suggesting that "baby boomers" who can't let go of the holiday are to blame for the sexing up of little girl costumes. But boomers aren't wearing 9-year-old sizes.

I think this speaks to a larger troubling of sexuality that's going on at the moment. When 9-year-olds are being transformed into sexual objects by the retail industry (and I'm not just talking about Halloween costumes), can we really be shocked while watching Dateline's "To Catch a Predator"? I'm not making excuses for men who prey on little girls, but I do want to think about why men desiring young teens has become a moral gray zone. When as a culture we acquiesce to the sexual objectification of young girls, we cannot then be surprised if men begin to respond to them as sexual objects. Blaming and entrapping men is not the answer; in fact, it only makes things much worse. Rather than attempting to understand the issue in its social and cultural context, it merely rights it off as a failing of individual men.

This sexing up of 'tweens also has ramifications for mature hetero relations. Take the Brazilian phenomenon; this may sound like a reach, but the whole pube waxing thing seems to glorify pre-adolescence. Part of what signifies women are physically mature enough for sex is pubic hair; no hair down there means too young. As in way underage. As in cultural taboo. No, I'm also not blaming women. But this issues of course feeds into our culture's obsession with youth and fear of aging. We've reached a confused sexual crossroads where women masquerade as girls and girls impersonate women; let's hope we manage to find the better path.